When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just sent this text using only my big toe
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He felt like a one man threesome
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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