Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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