ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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