Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
