It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
