The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
