Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
