You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
