He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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