I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize