You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
