Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
