you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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