Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
