I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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