I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
