I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
