Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
