Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
