your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
