he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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