So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
