Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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