I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
