peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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