my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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