Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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