Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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