i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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