I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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