Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize