so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
