halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
