I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
