i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
