she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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