I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
