Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
