I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize