There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
