I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
