He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
