I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
