Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
