where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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