he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize