it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
