Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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