In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
