census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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