i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
