Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
