i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
