remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
