thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
