hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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