Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
