You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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