There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize