The maid of honor just puked.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm just crazy horny about you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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