Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize