Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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