just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
