i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I love having hate sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
