my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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