He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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