wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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