I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
