really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
