i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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