Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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