Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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