we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
